True Story
In the summer of 1969 I was staying with a friend in Satellite Beach, Florida. Among the adventures we had that summer was to ride on his motorcycle to go watch the Apollo 11 launch, and it was an amazing thing to see and hear even from miles away. One day it may only be remembered in legend, and I feel privileged to have witnessed it. On our way back home we took a shortcut down Merritt Island, but we had to stop and wait in the July heat at a drawbridge to cross back over to the mainland. We were waiting next to a large black luxury car with tinted windows rolled up, envying its air conditioning, when one of the windows was rolled down and a guy inside stuck a map through the window to ask us for directions, 'can you tell us where we are' he said, so we showed them on the map exactly where we were and direction headed. The car was filled with men in dark suits and ties wearing NASA badges, of course we teenagers asked them what they had to do with the launch. They said they were from MIT and had designed the navigation system for Apollo 11.
We thought it pretty cool we got to meet some NASA people on the day of the launch, remember that Bob W? Later we realized the irony of a bunch of guys that could get a rocket to the moon and back but couldn't figure out where they were on a map, driving on an island with one road down the middle of it.
True Story
Returning from a trip to Antarctica some years ago, Wernher von Braun, Ernst Stuhlinger, and other space scientists proudly showed pictures of themselves merrily running around a marker in the snow at the exact geographic South Pole. Stuhlinger explained: "We were setting a space speed record - orbiting the Earth every ten seconds".
True Story
Shuttle project officials were not always candid about their early setbacks. One problem arose with the testing of new booster-rocket parachutes in drops from B-52 over the desert. The chutes failed, shredding as they plunged with a heavy attached test article and crashed to the desert floor. Already knowing the answer, a reporter asked if the test item was destroyed.
"Well," hedged the project engineer, "let's just say it is largely unreusable."
True Story
In covering early United States space launchings at Cape Canaveral, one Italian journalist caused confusion whenever he tried to make flight reservation into out of nearby Orlando. His name: Orlando Orlando.
Front-Office Talk
First technician: I hear you are going to be an astronaut.
Second technician: Who told you that?
First technician: Well, I just came from the office and the boss said you were just taking up space!
Once upon a time NASA decided to send 3 astronauts to space for 2 years. NASA allowed each of them to take 200 pounds of baggage each. The first astronaut decided to take along his wife, the second decided to take along books to learn how to speak German, while the third astronaut decided to take along cigarettes.
Two years later, when the space shuttle landed, there was a big crowd waiting to welcome them home.
First came the first astronaut and his wife and each of them had a baby in their arms.
Next, out came the second astronaut speaking fluent German.
They both gave their speeches and got a rousing applause.
Suddenly out came the third astronaut with a cigarette in his mouth.
He walked up to the podium and snarled to the crowd and asked, 'Has anyone got a friggin' match?!?'
Top Ten Bad Things About Having A Summer Time Share With Darth Vader
10. Claims those long-distance calls to the Death Star aren't his.
9. Uses Jedi powers to shake up your root beer right before you open it.
8. He's always accusing you of hiding his asthma inhaler.
7. Claims he paid you the rent "a long, long time ago."
6. Dances around in nothing but cape and cowboy hat while doing "Darth Brooks" routine.
5. For once he could use the Force to lift his wet towel off the couch.
4. That scary music that plays when he enters a room gets old real fast.
3. You feel like an idiot saying, "No, Darth isn't here. He's on the ice planet Hoth."
2. It's not easy cleaning burnt Ewok fur off the barbecue grill.
1. He's constantly doing his lame James Earl Jones impression.
A blond, a brunette, and a redhead were trying out for a new NASA experiment on sending women to different planets. First they called the brunette in and asked her a question.
"If you could go to any planet, what planet would you want to go to and why?" After pondering the question she answered, "I would like to go to Mars because it seems so interesting with all the recent news about possible extra terrestrial life on the planet."
They said "Well okay, thank you." And told her that they would get back to her. Next, the redhead entered the room and the NASA people asked her the same question. In reply, "I would like to go to Saturn to see all of its rings." Again, "thank you" and they would get back to her.
Finally, the blond entered the room and they asked her the same question they asked the brunette and the redhead. She thought for a while and replied, "I would like to go to the sun."
The people from NASA replied, "Why, don't you know that if you went to the sun you would burn to death?"
The blond smirked and put her hands on her hips. "Are you guys dumb? I'd go at night!"
What kind of ticks do you find on the moon?
Luna-ticks!
How many Borg does it take to screw in a light bulb?
One, but the whole collective enjoys the experience!
What kinds of songs do planets like to sing?
Nep-tunes!
What kind of poem can you find in outer space?
Uni-verse!
What did the astronaut cook for lunch?
An unidentified frying object!
How did the astronaut serve dinner in outer space?
On flying saucers!
What's the best way to talk to a Martian?
Long distance!
What's a Martian's normal eyesight?
20-20-20
Why do you see no Martians tourists at the Grand Canyon?
Because it looks just like home.
Where do astronauts leave their spaceships ?
At parking meteors!
Where do Martians drink beer ?
At a mars bar!
How do you get a baby astronaut to sleep ?
You rock-et!
Two astronauts went to a bar on the moon, but they left after a few minutes ?
You see, it had no atmosphere!
Why did Captain Kirk go into the ladies toilet ?
To boldly go where no man has been before!
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It is absurd to hold that a man ought to be ashamed of being unable to defend himself with his limbs, but not of being unable to defend himself with speech and reason (logos), when the use of rational speech is more distinctive of a human being than the use of his limbs.
